When Puns Aren't Fun
by Slenderbrine
Summary: Mike loves puns. Mike makes puns. Now, everyone just wants Mike to shut up. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**When Puns Aren't Fun**

"Do you think it can understand us?" Jeremy asked his braver (and/or stupider) coworker.

"I dunno," Mike said, looking at the broken down Freddy Fazbear in front of them. It made no movements, and neither did they, but it just stood there, its broken mouth permanently stuck open as if to grin.

Jeremy jumped (but Mike didn't. He doesn't give a fuck) as the brown animatronic began laughing. It wasn't a hearty laugh or an enjoyable one. No, this was a chilling, evil laugh. For Jeremy, at least.

Mike, who still gave no fucks, began twitching his lips.

"Ya' know," Mike said, not taking his eyes off the still-laughing bear, "his laugh is kind of annoying."

Jeremy's head shot up, turning to glare at Mike. "Mike..." he warned.

"You could almost say–"

Jeremy stared into Mike's eyes. "Don't you d–"

"–it's un- _bear_ -able."

Mike gave a shit-eating grin to the two members of his audience. Jeremy simply closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Jesus Christ, Mike, I swear..." Jeremy trailed off.

The Fazbear stopped laughing and turned to face him. Mike saw how his mouth kind of closed, almost to give him a deadpan stare. Freddy lifted his hand up, like he wanted to choke Mike, but thought better of it. The old animatronic turned and walked away, shaking its head and clacking its removed voice box.

"God damn it, Mike," Jeremy said to his coworker, who was still stifling a giggle.

"You're the one who wanted to see if they could hear us," Mike reminded him. "Well, they can."

=PUNS=

"Jesus Christ on a stick..." Mike grumbled, taking in the situation. There were three minutes until 6AM, and Day 15 would end. Mike and Jeremy prided themselves in lasting more than two weeks together, but this might just end them.

"Yeah..." Jeremy agreed. In front of them was Toy Bonnie, but neither could reach for their mask. Behind him (her? Jeremy and Mike could never tell) was Withered Bonnie, so it didn't matter whether they put on masks or not. And, to top it all off, was Shadow Bonnie in the corner, grinning at them. Was it grinning? All they could see was its outline, its eyes, and its teeth, so it was hard to tell.

And then Mike saw it.

"Hey, Jeremy?" Mike asked. "You want to hear a joke?"

Jeremy shot him a glare. "Mike!" he shouted. "We are about to die! I do not want the last thing I hear to be one of your lame jokes!"

The Bonnies watched the two humans bickering with amusement, unconcerned that their time for killing them was running out.

"Oh come on!" Mike protested. "They aren't that bad!"

"You drove off Freddy with your stupid puns!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"Well, these are the Bonnies, not Freddy," Mike said. And then he hit it:

"I'm pretty sure they'll find my jokes kind of _bunny_."

Mike grinned at the mixed reactions. Jeremy groaned deeply, placing a hand over his eyes. He peeked out to see the Bonnies. "Kill him first," Jeremy said.

Shadow Bonnie simply stood there, but to Mike it looked like it was slightly shaking its head. Withered Bonnie actively did shake his head. He turned around and walked out of the office, continuing to shake his head. Toy Bonnie, in Mike's opinion, had the best reaction. It actually laughed, giving out a robotic giggle at Mike's pun.

"See?" Mike said to Jeremy, pointing at the Toy Bonnie. "It likes my puns."

The 6AM bell rung, and Jeremy shot up from his chair. He rushed out out of the office as soon as he could, Toy Bonnie following. Shadow Bonnie turned its head to look at Mike, before dissipating.

"Well," Mike said to himself, "at least someone likes my puns."

=PUNS=

"Hey Jeremy?"

"Yeah, Mike?"

"Do you think BB is crazy?" Mike asked, glancing at the small animatronic in the corner.

Jeremy lazily looked up from the tablet. It was 5:59, so neither guard was particularly worried. "No, not at all," he said. Jeremy looked at metal boy in the corner, who was facing the two of them. It had a large grin plastered on its face, but it didn't exactly look 'crazy' to Jeremy.

Jeremy asked Mike, "Why do you think that?"

Mike gave Jeremy his signature shit-eating grin, and Jeremy knew he fucked up. "Well," Mike started, "I've always thought BB was a bit of a _balloon_ -atic."

Jeremy didn't even bother groaning at this point. He just let out a sorry sigh as 6AM rung throughout the building. As Mike and Jeremy were packing their stuff, BB let out a giggle, which turned into a full out laugh. "He finds it funny too!" Mike said to Jeremy.

But the laugh didn't stop. It kept coming and coming, borderline creepy. Mike let out a nervous chuckle as they began walking out the building. The laugh continued, bordering hysteria, as Mike and Jeremy walked out of the building. It finally stopped as they left the building.

"You don't think..." Mike trailed off.

Jeremy didn't answer him. He threw his stuff in the back of the car and got in the passenger's seat. "Let's go, Mike," Jeremy said. Mike threw one last glance at his workplace before getting in the car with Jeremy.

Back inside the building, Balloon Boy let out a giggle. Scaring those two was a lot more fun that helping the animatronic kill them!

=PUNS=

The golden suit was crumpled out in front of the security guards. "Mike?" Jeremy asked, noticing his coworker's hyperventilating. "What is that?"

"That..." Mike trailed off, staring at the suit. The empty suit, the one he was once _almost_ stuffed, was sitting in a hunched position. It had its mouth open, as usual, gaping wide. Big enough that an animatronic wouldn't have to take off the head to fit an endoskeleton inside.

 _'Puns...'_ Mike thought, trying to calm down. _'Puns solve everything.'_

"Jeremy," Mike said, taking longer breaths, "I think I'm good now."

"Yeah?" Jeremy questioned in disbelief, seeing Mike's pale face.

"Yeah," Mike said. His lips twisted into a Cheshire grin, but was still a bit weak, "I'm absolutely _golden_."

Jeremy couldn't help but let a chuckle slip out. Seeing Mike's beaming face, Jeremy said, "I'm not laughing at your puns." Mike's face slipped, but Jeremy continued on, "But if you're making puns, you're probably fi–"

The golden bear's head twitched to a straight up position, almost spontaneously. **"2211202100200012100202020101022013"** it yelled, but Mile and Jeremy only hard a horrible, inhuman groaning noise. The Fredbear suit continued to spasm, as it faded to nothingness.

The security guards stared at the spot where the gold-colored animatronic once was. Mike checked the tablet, which read _4:52AM_. "Well," Mike said. "That was a thing."

"Yeah..." Jeremy said, settling back into his chair. "Let's get back to work..."

Few words were exchanged that night.

=PUNS=

Mike walked into Freddy Fazbear's Pizza at 11:30PM, to get a bit settled before Jeremy got there. After tonight, it would be a full month since they started together, and Mike wanted to get prepared.

He unlocked the door and walked in to the empty halls. Mike knew that the animatronics wouldn't start free roam until midnight, but the place still creeped him out. Mike noticed that there was something missing, but dismissed it as he walked to the office (he wasn't scared. He was just walking with a purpose!)

Mike turned the corner to his office to finally realize what was missing. The music box.

Which explained the Puppet sitting on his desk.

"Mike," it greeted, its voice high-pitched and garbled. Mike glared at it suspiciously.

"It's not midnight, yet," the marionette said, dismissing the suspicion. "I' we come to you with a...complaint, from the animatronics."

"A complaint," Mike drawled, "from the things trying to kill me." The Puppet nodded, as if that made perfect sense.

"See," the Puppet explained, "when we're trying to kill you, there's this whole 'mood'." The Puppet looked around when it talked, using its hands and made air quotes. "And when you make a pun, that ruins the mood, Mike."

The skinny animatronic looked at him. "Your puns ruin the mood, Mike," it said.

Mike tried to take this in. So his puns really were saving them? Cool. Pun time!

"So," Mike started, trying to plan ahead in his head, "you're asking me to Marion- _not_ -te make puns?"

The Puppet frowned at him, while the security guard gave it his signature shit-eating grin.

=PUNS=

Jeremy walked into the office to a very peculiar sight. It was the Marionette trying to strangle Mike, but the security guard was too busy laughing, it only barely kept the cursing, cursed Puppet off of his neck.

Jeremy sighed, and turned on the tablet and wound the music box, making the Puppet go limp. "Damn it, Mike," Jeremy sighed, picking up the sleeping animatronic, "you'll be the death of me."

Mike gave him a sly smile, like he knew something Jeremy didn't. "Or I might save you life," he countered.

 **Fin~**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N): Brought back by popular demand (somehow), I present to you: part two of WPAF. Please, enjoy. What do you call a gangly game creator? Scott Caw-** _ **thin**_ **!**

 **When Puns Aren't Fun 2:**

 **Hide Well and Sequel**

Jeremy browsed the local newspaper while Mike flipped through the cameras. He took a sip of the coffee he was drinking. The caffeine really helped the nights fly by.

"Local Security Guard Defends Self From Fazbear Enthusiast," Jeremy reads aloud, while Mike groans. "Local security guard, Michael Schmidt, was assaulted by an unnamed Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria customer. The customer accused Michael Schmidt at roughly 7:50AM of tampering with his/her favorite animatronic, Toy Bonnie.

"Upon denying this accusation, claiming that would be against company policy, Schmidt was attacked by the customer, who refused to accept this. Schmidt, however, was reportedly trained for potential combat and subdued the restaurant. The customer has threatened the security to take him to court, in which the security guard ignored him/her, flipped him/her off, and checked out of work. Further details to come."

Jeremy looked over at his blushing coworker. "What happened?" Jeremy asked.

Mike huffed. "Hell if I know. Some guy just randomly decided that because of some weird scratch on the animatronic, which was probably caused by walking into a table–" Mike paused to flash the light, scaring Foxy away, "–the guy jumped me. Then I beat his ass into the ground. Simple."

"HQ's gonna be angry," Jeremy warned him.

Mike snorted, like Jeremy told a joke. "Yeah, and what? Fire one of their longest lasting guards? Yeah, no," he said confidently.

"But you're right," Mike said, "bad things are coming our way."

"Why do you say that?" Jeremy asked, albeit hesitantly. Was Golden Freddy around.

Mike smiled his smug smile, and Jeremy realized: he fucked up.

"Well," Mike said, "we can officially say that Schmidt has hit the fan!"

Jeremy slammed his hands on the table, startling the Withered Chica climbing through the vents. "You punched that guy just for that shitty pun, didn't you!" Jeremy accused the giggling Mike.

"N-no," Mike said, in between snorts of humor.

 _"BULLSHIT!"_ Jeremy yelled, sending Mike into peals of full-on laughs.

^}{Puns4Days}{^

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Mike..."

 ***Creak?***

"Come on, just one!"

"No, Mike."

"No means yes!"

"Mike, stop."

 ***Click clack...***

The smiling guard's eyes flickered between glancing at the other guard, displaying annoyance, and the worn-down, robotic pirate fox glancing at the two humans warily.

There was tension in the air even the animatronic could feel, and it didn't know what to make of it.

"Come on, Foxy, you love my jokes, right?" Mike asked. The man barreled on, even after the shaking of the fox's head. "After all, you would always fall into my punchlines–"

Jeremy's eyes widened. He shouted, "JESUS CHR-"

"– _hook, line, and sinker_ ," Michael Schmidt said, his voice proud and his smile crooked.

Jeremy face palmed. 'Nuff said.

Withered Foxy just stared at the night guard that used to be alone when he was hunted. Mike wasn't sure whether it was a glitch, or the soul possessing the fox was doing it, but its left lower eyelid was definitely twitching, spontaneously moving up and down.

After a few seconds, the twitching stopped. The fox turned 180°, and flipped Mike the bird over his shoulder as he walked away.

"I think he _pi-rated_ my joke zero out of t–"

That's as far as Mike managed to get out before he got slapped by Jeremy.

^}{Puns4Days}{^

"I wonder if all the Toys find my puns funny," Mike said. The man and his partner were in Christmas-themed sweaters for the holidays.

Jeremy glanced over at him before returning to check the vents. Shooing Balloon Boy away, he asked, "Why would you think anyone would like your puns?

"Well," Mike responded, "Toy Bonnie liked them last time. Maybe we should see about the others."

"What's your plan?" Jeremy asked, staring intently at the tablet. Which was a shame, too.

He missed the shit-eating smile that appeared on Mike's face.

"I think," Mike said, "we should _Chica_ them out and see whether they find my jokes _Bonnie_ , or if they can't _bear_ them."

Mike let out a chuckle, while Jeremy just sighed once again. "Three for one!" Mike proudly declared.

"You know," Jeremy started, hesitant for some reason, "those puns make you very un- _Mike_ -able."

Mike turned to stare at his coworker, who shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. His amazed stare slowly morphed into a wolf grin of delight. "Haha! Yes!" Mike shouted. "I've converted you to _joke_ -daism!"

Jeremy sent a confused glance at Mike, while absentmindedly flashing his flashlight on and off down the hall. "Was that to be a pun on Judaism?" Jeremy asked. Mike shrugged, confirming what J—

Out of nowhere, the Puppet jumped in, aiming straight at Mike. **"00212012–"** it shouted. Before it could wrap its arms around Mike's neck, thankfully, the bells chimed. The surprised animatronic flailed and missed. And ended up smashing into the wall.

Mike let out a laugh of amusement while the puppet picked itself up and started limping away. "Hey, Puppet!" Jeremy called out.

The Puppet looked back at him.

The Puppet saw the smile.

And the Puppet realized there was a second pun-teller now.

"Marion- _not_ -te today!" Jeremy shouted, sending the two guards into stupid giggles of amusement. The Marionette covered his hand with his face and sighed.

"You were supposed to be the good one, Jeremy," it mumbled in its usual distorted voice. It was going to have to kill both guards now, wasn't it? Well, more so now than usual.

^}{Puns4Days}{^

 **(A/N): So, yeah. A fair number of people seem to enjoy this, so I will probably make a sequel. To this sequel. Problem is, I need more puns. So, just leave a pun in your review and I might use it like I did in this one.**

 **And one last thing. I have a good friend on here called OnTheCobb (go check him out, and his story 'My Craft'!). He has riddles that he puts in for people to solve and I've sent him tons of riddles as well. There is only one riddle he never got, so I want to see who here can get it. It goes like this:**

 **I am in a baseball's mitt**

 **And found in St. Patty's plants**

 **I'm reversed in human's progress**

 **And seen in a heart at a glance**

 **What am I?**

Pun Donators:

-Guest (2)

-Laner (1)


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N): Welcome back to the third installment of WPAF! A comedic, pun-filled version of your normal FNAF story! No plot, just laughs and two very lucky night guards! Enjoy!**

 **What does the Puppet say on Dec 25?** _ **Merry**_ **-ionette Christmas!**

 **When Puns Aren't Fun 3:**

 **Expect the FNAF-ish Pun-quisition!**

"After so much robotic ass-whooping today, I think I'm _stuffed_ ," Mike punned. Jeremy, now joining in on Mike's puns, let out a chuckle.

"Two months!" Jeremy shouted excitedly. They had lasted two months, which is certainly at least 59 days more than some. And that was something that the two security guards were proud of.

Mike nodded in agreement, winding the music box. "Nothing can stop us n–"

 **"A-a-ahoy, the-ere la-** _ **[LAMBS]**_ **-lads!"** a broken voice chattered beside them.

Mike and Jeremy froze mid-sentence. Both slowly turned their heads to the door, where a certain broken pirate fox stood. Mike checked his watch: _5:58AM_. Shit.

But thankfully, today, Foxy didn't seem to be in a killing mood.

 **"What d-d-did the pi-pi-** _ **[PYRE]**_ **-pirate say a year aft-t-ter it tur-** _ **[TURN AWAY]**_ **-turned sev-** _ **[1987]**_ **-seventy-nine?"** Cap'n Foxy asked.

The two frightened lam–*AHEM*–security guards glanced at each other in fear and confusion. Fear, because some of those words that leaked out of the fox. Confusion, because this seemed almost like...like a...

"What did he say?" Jeremy squeaked out.

Foxy grinned. Or, tried to rather. There was no layering around his mouth to pull back and reveal more teeth, so it looked like Foxy was sizing Jeremy up, instead of grinning. Aforementioned guard shrunk back in fear.

 **"A-a-[I'M HURT]-aye matey!"** Foxy joked, as the church bells rang. Satisfied with his joke-telling, he left them alone, Mike to ponder the joke's answer (without the creepy extra part) and Jeremy to need a new pair of pants.

"That clever shit..." Mike mumbled. Jeremy looked over in confusion. "Who?" he asked. "Foxy?"

"Yeah," Mike said. "What did the pirate day a year after he turned 79? _Aye matey!_ Like 'I'm eighty'."

"Oh," Jeremy said, looking down the hall vacant of robotic foxes. "Well now we can answer the age-old question."

"What question?" Mike inquired.

Jeremy grinned. At the top of his lungs he shouted, "WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!"

()_()

(^c^)

o(_)o

(,,) (,,)

Bunny Pun Break

Amen Shita sat down for, ready for her new job at Freddy's Pizzeria. She grew up having pizza here. This will be fun, right?

"Wrong."

That was the first word out of the tape player. Amen looked at it worriedly. Could it read minds?

"No, I cannot read minds," the voice box said, with the sound of snickering in the background. "But I can assume you're thinking this experience will be _fun~_ " the guy in the recording said 'fun' in a childish, sing-song voice. "You're wrong. And I can't read minds, that's just he next question I thought you would ask. Otherwise, this recording sounds stupid."

"Redo it," a younger voice offered in the background.

"Fuck it," the original voice said. "This is the third one. Anyways, welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, blah, blah, blah. Log story short, these things want to kill you, and if you do, they won't tell your family until they have removed all evidences of such occurrences."

Amen stared at the phone recorder, and nervously flicked the flashlight. Was this guy for real?

"Just flash your lights every so often and wind the music box and you'll be fine," the guy said. "Now for the animatronics.

"The new Freddy is Freddy Fatbear. 'Cuz he's fat. If him or any of the Toys appear, where that Freddy hear under your desk. Or tell a pun. The bunny is the Ambiguous Gender Thing, because to this day, neither Jeremy nor I have been able to discern this thing's true gender. The toy Chica is something we like to call Mrs. Fanservice. Because who in there right mind would give a kids' robot boobs? A dumbass, that's who.

"Then there are the Withered shits. They're the old versions the company was too cheap to scrap. They don't have facial recognition, so just spam your flashlight and give them an epileptic seizure. The old bear is Freddy Fuckboi. The bunny is the Slenderman Wannabe. The chicken is a Dentist's Worst Nightmare. And the fox...well, Foxy won't bother you so much. He'll come up, say a joke, and just laugh at it. It's like a little pause for you. Now stop listening for a sec, flash the lights and wind the music box."

Amen shook herself out of her stupor and followed his instructions. She was only half surprised to see a chicken with boobs in the ventilation shaft. There was a loud clanging as the chicken bitch backed out. After winding the music box, she pressed play on the recording.

"Great!" the voice said. "Now, there are a few more robots. There is the balloon kid, Balloon Bieber. Don't let him in or he will steal your batteries and your lights won't work. If you see him climbing in, punt him down the hall. And lastly, there's the Nope-in-the-Box. If the music stops playing, just shout 'Nope!' and tell bad puns like your life depends on it. Because it will."

"Well, our shift is ending. Enjoy your weekend, and try not to die! See ya'!" the recording ended.

Amen unconsciously whimpered when the recording shut off. She looked around nervously.

What had she gotten herself into?

()_()

(^c^)

o(_)o

(,,) (,,)

Bunny Pun Break

Amen Shita was presented with the second scariest thing in her life. The brown bear (Fatbear) and the Balloon Bieber were there, and the Nope-in-the-Box was almost out of music. Second scariest thing to her, because she was saw three drunk frat boys in bikinis lugging around a dead, emasculated bear.

That was fucking terrifying.

"Ummm..." Amen squeaked. "Are y-you going t-to kill me?"

Fatbear nodded. Amen checked the time: _5:57_. So close!

"We-Well..." Amen trailed off. "I'm a-afraid that w-won't be _paws_ -sible."

"OH COME ON!" something in the doorway shouted. It looked like a puppet, but there were no strings on m– *AHEM*, on it. It had its arms thrown up in the air, like it was exasperated, which it definitely sounded like.

"Fucking Mike!" the Nope shouted. "He set you up to that, didn't he!? Do you know what the fuck I am!?"

Amen nodded out of fear and instinct. "Nope," she answered honestly.

When the bells chimed, the Nope looked ready to pull out the hair it didn't have.

()_()

(^c^)

o(_)o

(,,) (,,)

Bunny Pun Break

 **(A/N): Yeah. So, Mike and Jeremy had a little break, and left a surprise for the temp and the animatronics. Big thanks to oleg212 for the sheer mass of stuff he provided. If you're wondering who Amen Shita is, she's just a side character. You'll probably never see her again. As well, I kinda stole her from a manga, so shhh! Don't tell them.**

 **Also, Amen Shita is an anagram: X XXXX XXXX, three words. It's very easy, and I have to wonder what the English translators of the manga were thinking. Oh well. Thanks for reading!**

 **~Slenderbrine**

Pun Donators:

-Internet Pic (1)

-puppetmicer(1)

-oleg212 (8)


	4. The Omake That Never Was

**When Puns Aren't Fun 3:**

 **The Christmas Omake**

"Why," the Marionette stated. This was not a question, but a statement.

"'Cuz Christmas," Mike replied. The sweater-wearing guard hid his smirk behind another sip of his eggnog.

"But why _me_ , in particular?" it asked. It looked down once again at its body. Its normally black-looking color was now revealed to be a dark purple color, illuminated by red, green, and yellow LED lights wrapped around it.

"Because we only had enough lights for a small animatronic," Jeremy said. The shorter guard was wearing a green sweater, to match Mike's red one.

"Plus, they kept falling off BB and JJ," Mike added.

The Puppet looked down once more at its lights. They weren't uncomfortable, per se, and weren't horrible. Or, at least, they certainly could be worse colors.

"Alright," the skinny animatronic surrendered. "Well, have an enjoyable holidays, you two."

"Yeah, sure," Jeremy said. "You have a _Merry_ -nette Christmas too, Puppet."

Mike laughed and high-fived Jeremy. The Marionette, on its part, didn't make a comment on he pun. Christmas miracle, much?

\\_|={^[PUN]^}=|_/

"Hey, Jeremy."

"Yeah, Mike?"

"What do you call a gangly game creator?"

Jeremy looked at Mike suspiciously. The two of them were in Mike's car as they drove home from work. "I dunno. What?" Jeremy asked.

Mike grinned. "Scott Caw- _thin_ ," he said through a smirk.

Jeremy looked appalled at Mike, who gave a worried look at his partner. "You alright, dude?" Mike asked worried.

"MIKE!" Jeremy shouted, extremely loud as well as in Mike's ear.

"Gah!" Mike said, surprised. He jerked the wheel and the car swerved. After a minute, the car regained its normal path. "What the hell was that?" Mike questioned.

"You can't just break the fourth wall!" Jeremy shouted at him.

"Why the hell not?" Mike shot back. "This isn't even canon. We're not even supposed to be partners."

"So?" Jeremy said. "You don't just break the fourth wall, Mike."

"Watch me," Mike said. "Besides, most of these jokes the author is using aren't original. They should call him _Return-To-Sender_ -brine."

"Well, at least I don't look like _Schmidt_ ," a voice said. Jeremy looked back, while Mike checked the rear view mirror, to see a fifteen-year-old kid sitting in the back, hunched over. Hunched over because he was furiously typing on an iPad, and because the car was not meant to fit people who stand at six-foot-three.

"Oh, a pun on my name. So original," Mike said, in a deadpan. "At least I don't Sn–"

"Hey!" the teen said looking up from behind his glasses. His blue eyes burned holes in Mike's brown eyes. "No giving out personal information!"

"Or what?" Mike sneered. "And since when do I sneer? And doesn't accurately describing yourself count as giving out personal information?"

"I don't know!" the teen, who was also known on as Slenderbrine, yelled. "I'm typing this on a plane going home from Utah! I'm kind of tired and needed ideas!"

"So you turned to self-inserts?" Jeremy asked. One pair of eyes swerved to the FNaF2 guard, while another pair spared a glance before concentrating back on the road.

"Quiet, Fritzgerman!" Slenderbrine, or S (for short), said. "Comic relief, or whatever!"

"My name is Jeremy Fitzgerald," Fritzgerman said. "Stop that! Besides, when is Fritz joining?"

"I don't know!" S said. "He takes place twennty years after Mike's canon-verse. This is a bit difficult!"

"You made a typo with the 'twenty'," Mike pointed out.

"Screw it, I'm leaving it," S said. "Why?" Mike asked, like the idiot he was. "I am not an idiot," he added on.

"So what I'm saying and you're saying makes sense!" S shouted. "Plus it takes up word space."

"So that's what this is about?" Jeremy inquired. "You want there to be more words?"

"Yes!" S shouted. "I always have a goal for myself. If I write anything story related, and will post it, it has to be at least one thousand words!"

"Is that why you deleted '1K' and put 'one thousand'?" Jeremy asked.

"Yes," S said. "Mike take notes. Maybe, if you're lucky,you can learn some stuff from Jeremy, and won't be as dumb as _Schmidt_."

"This is an omake, and not canon, right?" Mike asked. "Just to double check."

"Of course it is," Slenderbrine said. He tried to sit up straight, but ended up hitting the ceiling of the car. "Ow..." he moaned. "There's no way this could be considered canon."

"Can we talk about pairings, for a second?" Mike said, changing the subject. "I wanna get this off my chest. Or your chest, S. Someone's chest."

"Sure," the teen allowed.

"Can someone please explain 'Microphone' to me?" Mike asked.

"It's a ship between you and the Phone Guy," Jeremy supplied.

"I know that, but how does that work?" Mike asked. "I've never seen him, and he died on my fourth night. Like, what the hell?"

"Well," S said, "I personally enjoy what **BJXCBFOREVER** did. He killed the Phone Guy,but shoved him in a Freddy suit, so now you can't question his looks."

Mike hit the breaks, sending Jeremy forward and S crashing into Jeremy's seat. Mike turned around and stared at the dazed S. "I'm in a relationship with a fucking Freddy Fazbear suit?"

"Oh, no," S said, waving off Mike. "It's not really a shipping fic. I just enjoy that idea."

"So..." Jeremy trailed off, "what other ships are there?"

"*cough* JereMike *cough*" Slenderbrine coughed out. He must have a cold or something.

"No." Mike said. He just said it. "We aren't going there."

"*cough* MikexFoxy *cough*" S coughed again. He should go take some pills for that cough.

"Not that either!" Mike yelled, startling Jeremy.

Mike thought for a second. "Well, we could talk about Vincent."

"Who is Vincent?" Jeremy asked. "I don't think that name is in our games."

"Vincent is the fandom's name for the Purple Guy," S explained. "He–"

"You just put the 'plain' in 'sex ed'," Mike commented.

Slenderbrine peered at Mike. Then at his iPad. Then back at Mike. "Fuck off, Mike," he said.

"Anyways," the teen said, shooting a glare to the innocent-looking Mike, "Vincent is the fandom's purple-haired, child-murdering ex-security guard who has a fear of needles and loves toast."

Jeremy just stared in confusion at Slenderbrine. "What..." Jeremy said, not being able to find the right words.

"That's how I feel," S said apologetically. "Well, at the end of this sentence there will have been 1082 words," Slenderbrine said.

"So...we made it?" Jeremy asked.

"Yup!" Slenderbrine said happily. "Say goodbye to the readers!"

"Bye!" Jeremy said enthusiastically.

"Fuck off," Mike grumbled.

Slenderbrine punched him.

0=[}{]WHATDIDYOUJUSTREAD[}{]=0

 **Merry Christmas!**

 **~Slenderbrine**


End file.
